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The prisoner of the Lord…Ephesians 4:1ByRichard Owens Harris
It seems unfathomable to me now but it has been almost a week since I got the call my mother had died 02/08/07. Though her illness was a long and painful one for her and the rest of us, her final loss is powerfully sorrowing. Fortunately, as my siblings and other family came together, the anxieties I had about this gathering did not bear fruit.Now, within the space of a month, I have been faced with the loss of affection from my partner and my mother to differing circumstances. It overwhelms me at times to attempt to accept and understand the pattern of life on life’s terms. Notwithstanding the health issues I face daily, my struggles seem to be compounded and I remain powerless to act even if I could determine what action to take.I find my self-struggling with my own vanity and all that it has cost me. The hope for a happier future, the trust I placed in others to help reach that future, and the sheer improbability that future will now ever occur keep me depressed but seeking answers. My answers most likely will be that I have hoped in the face of hopelessness and continued to believe even when I knew my beliefs were not factual.These are my own demons that only I can face and conquer. However, it is with greater difficulty I face each day, as I no longer know what to hope for or believe in. I have not given over completely to despair but do know I am no longer confident I can continue facing the hurdles each day brings.I have examined my own thoughts and feelings ad nausea until I have become exhausted by the results. I hope still that I will find more happiness in my future yet, for now at least, have to settle for that “peace that passes understanding” since that is all that is left me for today. Yes, I have peace even in the face of these vicissitudes which is a gift my parents imbued me with many years ago.It is with great difficulty I fight the urge to just give up and stop trying. Who knows, perhaps that is what I am supposed to do. For now, today, this moment, “I surrender all”.
Feedback is always encouraged and appreciated. Even if I do not like what is said, I do want to keep an open mind and listen. Rick
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Feedback is always encouraged and appreciated. Even if I do not like what is said, I do want to keep an open mind and listen. Rick