HIV Effected

The HIV Effected
June 10, 2007
Richard O. Harris

Up to now most of my rambling on this blog has been about myself. Which is why I started the blog in the first place. After all, I am my favorite topic.

Yet, recently I have begun to be reminded that I am not alone in all of this. With all the difficulties I have discussed about my personal daily trials, I have yet to touch on the one subject most important to me. The people in my life and the lives of other HIV infected people who have their own fears to face with this dis-ease.

I can honestly say I was once among the Effected as I worked with others who were Infected before I became one of them. As a result, one of the greatest challenges I faced was the guilt I felt for fearing for my self. Along with that was the fear I felt for the Infected and watching the slow deterioration of their health.

It is not easy not knowing what is happening to someone you love. And more difficult still is knowing and being unable to stop it. That total feeling of powerlessness is so overwhelming at times it cannot be defined.

To watch one you love, whether it is Infected or otherwise, die slowly before your eyes and try to care for them as best you can is a challenge not many can face. Add to that the difficulty of remembering daily the dying person still has thoughts and feelings too. Balancing the care of the individual with respect for the individual’s wishes is something that is difficult to do well.

Of course, another element for the Effected is caring for one’s self and respecting one’s own limits and abilities. Some do not know until the situation presents itself if they are able. Some just see it as what has to be done at that moment.

So the Effected have to deal with the care of the Infected, respect for the Infected, care for them selves, and respect for themselves. That is quite a load to add to the overall feeling of powerlessness. Not to mention the grief that occurs repeatedly as loss occurs sometimes quickly, sometimes piecemeal.

So much else can be said about the trials and tribulations of the Effected. Yet, little has been said about the heroism they have shown on a daily basis over the years. It is with great respect and admiration that I acknowledge their efforts in even this small way.

For those who do not believe in grace or faith or miracles, you have only to look at the many small, daily efforts of those Effected by HIV. Many have had to overcome their own prejudice and condemnation of others way of life. Many others have had to overcome their fears, anger, and feelings of powerlessness.

All the HIV Effected have had to face an enemy unprecedented in the history of mankind. Many have stumbled and made mistakes. Yet all have done their best.

I can only say in conclusion that my respect and love for the Effected grows daily. They, not me, have had the harder path. May God, whatever you conceive him/her to be, return to the Effected all the love, honor, and compassion they have shown me.