The Writer’s Choice

The Writer’s Choice
© February 22, 2008
Richard O. Harris

It seems simple it is the writer’s choice
Which words will best serve as a voice
To help readers the world all around
Relate most readily to those sounds.

For then each writer must assume
The reader’s able to hear the tune
Or, at least, have some empathy
For one the writer may never see.

The reader, of course, may be far or near
The writer too, if it’s that we want to hear.
Speaking will often lead to misunderstanding
So written choices are much more demanding.

While writers struggle to enter a mind
The reader may often feel left behind.
Forgetting words have several meanings
Can lead to choices full of gleanings.

The words the writer uses may be good
Yet can, by readers, be misunderstood.
A good example, is if the words say,
“I rode my bike to work today.”

One reader may think this means I rode a Schwinn
While, yet another, is thinking Harley Davidson.
Such a simple word to mean two different things
But such choices I call “Tower of Babel” labeling.

As they are read words can only be given meaning
Based on the readers choice of such determining.
For no matter what words chosen from the “Tower”,
It is the reader who must give them power.

Leap Year and Leap of Faith

Leap Year and Leap of Faith
© February 15, 2008
Richard O. Harris

As the Leap Year continues to unfold, I find my self having to take an even longer Leap of Faith that all will be, as it should. That is not to say things are going terribly bad. It just means they are not happening as I would have them do so or as soon as I would like them to happen.

Many obstacles remain in my path and but for those I suppose I would have nothing to complain about. Still, I try to hold on to the belief that relief is just the next moment away. As the saying goes, “don’t give up before the miracle”.

I am finding this month particularly difficult and can now understand a little better why it is the shortest one in the year. My depressions seem to worsen no matter what I try to do about them but I continue to pretend all is well. Perhaps it is the outward pretense that is seeing me through the worst of them now.

I do continue to see my psychiatrist who has suggested psychotherapy that I am happy to try. However, when I expressed my willingness to do so to him, his response was to advise me to decide what I want to work on in psychotherapy before I begin any sessions on a regular basis.

I am no rocket scientist but as I tried to explain to him, I am not sure where to start other than trying to understand and find ways to cope with my bipolar disorder. Of course, I have now received a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (from what I do not know) and Borderline Personality Disorder with Histrionic Features (basically meaning I have a long pattern of instability in my personal relationships which can interfere with my social or occupational functioning or cause extreme emotional distress that can be displayed in an excessively emotional or dramatic way). These diagnoses, added to my already existing ones only tend to confuse me even more (if that is not too dramatic – a little sarcasm here).

I will see him again next week and try to obtain a clearer understanding of where to begin. This past week or so has been difficult for me to find the coping skills needed to keep going but I somehow did it and will continue to do so as long as I can. Perhaps the most difficult part is understanding why this is happening to me – other than genetics.

With that said and done, I also had 18 teeth extracted last week (the last of my adult teeth) and have had dentures made that take some time learning to use. I return next week to have the dentures adjusted a little as the swelling of my gums has begun to recede. I must admit, the dentist did a great job on the dentures and I am much happier with my appearance when I am wearing them.

I also saw my neurologist this week and explained to him that though the neuropathy was becoming more painful I would rather not add any more medications or increase any dosages. I am tired of taking pills 4 times a day every day and wondering if the combination of the drugs is causing some of my difficulties. He agreed not to add or increase any medications at this time and that I may be right about the drug interactions.

The good news is I now have a cane so I do not fall down so much and can get outside a little more confidently every day. Even if it is just for a short walk (or wobble), getting out of the house is something I had been afraid to do when on my own for fear of falling. Also, though finances are tight, I will be able to access my 401k in May once my company has terminated me so I should be able to pay off some of my larger bills.

I continue to take those Leaps of Faith (fantastic adventures in trusting Him) that are necessary to see me through the fear (false events appearing real). I also believe the extra day this year will be a good one for all concerned. And though now labeled with MMIs (Multiple Mental Illnesses) maintain it is the rest of the world, not I, that is slowly developing stronger needs for intervention (just watch the daily news).

Back to the Blogging

Back to the Blogging
© January 27, 2008
Richard O. Harris

It has been some time (since before Christmas) that I have done any writing here but hopefully I can do some catching up now. It was a busy holiday season and, without getting into too many details, I am glad to see the end of it and 2007. There were some positive notes to end the year with so I will focus on those and go from there.

Of course, this means I will need to steer clear of all the political maneuvering and shenanigans but cannot promise I will succeed. It is all too easy for me to voice an opinion these days only to be stunned by some new tidbit immediately following my endorsement or criticism of a candidate. Suffice it to say, for now, may each of you VOTE with the thoughtfulness that our forefathers gave to providing us that liberty.

As life goes for now, my health (and those of others I hold dear) is an on again/off again thing. Nonetheless, we have each been there for the other and continue to struggle through as best we can. My relationships with most are peaceful and positive while those few that are not continue to evolve slowly but surely in the direction they are meant to become I believe.

I have received approval from my employer for long-term disability but continue to have difficulty with the Social Security Agencies. Since my employer’s approval has removed some of the financial strains I was under, I took the advice many were giving me and engaged a lawyer to appeal the Social Security’s denial. I can only hope the lawyer can acquire the approval I could not before my employer’s long-term disability runs out.

While all of this continues to transpire, I have joined a local support group for HIV+ people. It is help when I can attend the weekly meetings but I still feel the losses experienced in 2007 very heavily. I also continue to see my doctors on a regular basis that means, of course, they continue to postulate new theories (the most recent that I have a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that causes me to loose the REM sleep I need to be healthier).

I have also progressed to using an Auto Pap machine while I sleep to help reduce the number of times I stop breathing in my sleep because of my sleep apnea. This with the numerous medications I am supposed to take daily is almost a full time job. Still, I think I am getting better with complying with the regimens though many days I continue to wonder where I will find the strength for that day.

Fortunately for me, I have a strong belief that this is only “life on life’s terms” and not a punishment of any kind. I will continue to do the next thing in front of me and let the rest wait its turn. Most fortunately, I have many who love me and the support and assistance of a caring domestic partner on a daily basis.

For these things, I am eternally grateful. I have “changed what I can change” and now must continue working on “accepting what I cannot change”. Until the next time, remain well and if you find it too difficult to tell others you love them remember you can still let that love show through your actions.

Merry Christmas to All!!!!

Wanted to say Merry Christmas to everyone from both Nick and my self and hope the joy of the Holy Days is with you all.

Here is an idea for my Christmas Wish: email Lamar and ask him to put my songs to real music and either sing them him self or maybe even have them sung by The Harris Singers. Though humble I would not want my undoubted songwriting talents go to waste (*!*).

I do have the tunes for them but have not figured out how to link them to this page yet. Besides with my voice being so out of practice it would be considered undue hardship to subject others to such a thing (LOL).

May all I wish for my self come true for you.

If you are offended that I would dare to say Merry Christmas - get over it - it is MY cultural heritage and belief system!

May God (no matter what or if you call him) bless America, our soldiers, and those who wait for them!!! And please, for the love of Jesus, deliver us from politicians!!!

Hello Again!!!

Hello Again,
I know it has been a while since I posted anything here but I have been busy. Still trying to work with the Insurance and Social Security organizations which takes up most of the time I am not spending at the doctors. Not sure how all of this will turn out but think you can say that about most anything these days.

Still I have found time to do some research and start earning some money for some of my articles. The site publishing and paying me can be found on the AC MEDIA link on this page. Granted I am not making big bucks but it does feel good to receive some recognition for my work.

There is also a new link you can visit to sample the sound of THE HARRIS SINGERS. There you can experience some of the talents several of my siblings have in abundance.There is also a new link you can visit to sample the sound of "The Lottery Truck".Don't tell them I said anything nice about them though!

I will try to get back to regular postings here soon and hope you will continue to visit me here and on AC MEDIA where I get paid on some of my work by the number of visitors to the site who actually read those pieces I have had published. Of course, I will always post here first since I am more comfortable with this site but it never hurts to let others know I am branching out.

I continue to hope everyone is doing well and managing to find some small measure of happiness and good fortune. Hopefully I will be posting more soon. Those who know me are aware I am seldom at a loss for words, LOL!!! Until then....